And even if it was...n't, I do think that children need to learn about body parts anyway. And early too.
In any case, a friend witnessed me giving Didi a massage yesterday. I named her body parts, slowly and repeatedly whilst touching each area. When I got to her vagina, I said "va jai naaa, va jai naaa".
My friend nearly slapped me. "What are you doing?", she asked, disgust written all over her face. "Why are you teaching her such a dirty word?".
Dirty? Vagina? Are you fucking kidding me? And yes - that's a dirty word - 'fucking', that's the kind of word I'm not teaching my child. She can pick it up when she grows and swear on like a veritable sailor if she so pleases but why on earth mustn't I teach her 'vagina'?
It's a part of her body. Like her nose. Her forehead. Her back. Her chest. Vagina. What is so troublesome about the word?
Even though I am thirty-four years old and I am a mother, my own mother still cannot use the word 'vagina' with me. She can't even say "vaginal delivery". When I had Didi I think my mum said "it was normal abi? From the normal place"? I laughed.
Because she's out of town, her younger sister did my 'omugwo'. I remember my mum telling me to allow her sister press my 'private area' with boiling water. Of course that never happened and all those wicked things they do to new mums is a topic for another day. My main issue here is 'vagina'. Why is it 'heavy in the mouth'?
When we were growing up, penis was 'Pee', and that's what I and all my siblings call it till today. But vagina was not 'Vee' - which would have been close to the real thing and therefore almost forgivable just like its counterpart 'Pee'.
People of God, in my house, vagina was called 'front bum-bum'. Beat that if you can.
It was such a freaking pain in the neck to dance around the word Vagina, but dance around it we did. What choice had we? When our own parents wouldn't use it, we would have gotten slapped into a different nationality had we gone around saying the word. That I know for sure. My mother's slaps were designed to move mountains.
After watching Kindergarten Cop, my sister proceeded to repeat the silliness of one of those kindergarten kids who went to answer question wey nobody ask am. In the middle of hosting her visitors, my mum introduced us to them and what popped into my sister's brain but "Mummy, boys have a penis and girls have a vagina!". Out. Of. The. Blue.
My mother nearly died. Had Ngozi my sister been older than the few years that she was, trust me she would have been Indian or Chinese now, thanks to the slap she would have gotten from Le Mother.
Kai. Vagina. The word from the pit of hell eh? Too funny.
When we shroud such an innocent word in such mystery, we strip our daughters of the ownership of their vaginas. We think we are keeping them chaste, but what we are doing is handing over ownership of their vaginas to the world, shaming them into a strange kind of submission at such early ages. Paedophiles fiddle with our daughters' vaginas and make them keep quiet, promising them that their mothers would kill them anyway if they know anyone touched them 'there'. Because 'there' is the forbidden place whose name is just as forbidden and so no one must know... No one must know... No one must know... (Fade into silence).
The word is Vagina. Take it or leave it. It is not a dirty word. Some of its vulgar nicknames may be used to describe people who are cowardly, but it is up to you to decide if you want to be a coward about your vagina and the vaginas of your daughters.
Vagina. Vagina. Vagina.
If you are disturbed by the number of times I've said this word today then you are part of the problem. What you need to do is stand in front of your mirror and say 'vagina' one thousand times or until you stop feeling weird about it, whichever comes first.
Good day.