This is one of a series of articles looking at people and organizations that promote self-reliance by helping disempowered women rebuild their lives after struggles like domestic violence.
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| Tonya Genison Prince |
For nearly 20 years Prince has been helping people survive the challenges life throws their way. The author, speaker, trainer, counselor and advocate volunteers with numerous organizations and is the founder of the not-for-profit project Braid the Ladder.
Established in 2007 and inspired by
survivors that wanted to rebuild their lives, the charity drive provides hair care products and grooming supplies to women and children in domestic violence shelters — especially women of color because ethnic hair products are rarely donated. This allows them to cultivate a professional appearance so they can seek employment and get back on their feet.
She also works as a volunteer with Sisters4Sisters, Inc. and the Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault.
As a long-time victim advocate and current self-employed crisis strategist, Prince helps women who have been abused to find their inner strength and become more self-reliant. Concern about making it on their own often keeps victims locked in abusive relationships, and it’s a process to go from reliance on a spouse to being solely responsible for yourself.
Prince’s approach uses six strategies:
- Assist in building a healthy self-esteem, which everyone needs in order to feel that they can rely on themselves.
- Share community and professional resources and teach the necessary strategies for how to access them, which inspires greater independence.
- Assist them in building a sturdy support system to assist them in their growth.
- Help victims to strategize a plan for the future covering the areas of finances, budgeting, education, career, and general goal setting.
- Assist them in looking for the lessons from mistakes and tragedy. Simply regretting the past does not help one to move forward; only mastery of the lessons will.
- Assist victims to understand that they have lessons to share and are fully capable of helping others in whatever way that they can. This goes to teaching that they have value.
“As I assisted her by using the six strategies she went from working as a waitress, a job she hated, to going to college to become a social worker. She started to see the value in her writing ability and began to write articles and get them published. She even began to volunteer with me as an advocate in training. When we encountered a victim who was experiencing injustice, I saw a familiar passion in her eyes.
Helping a survivor leave an abusive relationship and develop self-reliance reminds Prince of search and rescue teams. “To me trying to survive an abusive relationship is no different than rescuing someone from a natural disaster or a sinking ship. It takes the same type of planning and action steps,” she explains.
Step 1. Gather a search team. For most abuse victims, assistance will be needed to get to safety and freedom. Some members may include advocates from organizations that address abuse, counselors, life coaches, and maybe also wise and trustworthy family members and friends.
Step 2. Look for all signs of life. Search and rescue teams rarely move forward without the facts. When I work with survivors we take a fact based inventory of anything that could be of later use. We look at the survivor’s previous training, skills, marketable talents; anything to help them gain their financial footing. We also locate any available community resources or services. Last but not least, we look at all of the family, friends and professionals who can help in even a small way. Once you gather your findings you mark these as your tools.
Step 3. Make a plan. Now that facts have been gathered and we have our tools an informed plan can be made. In cases of domestic violence I make sure to help every survivor include strategies to address, safety, housing, transportation, food, and other essential needs, the unique needs of the children, finances, as well as career and educational needs. All plans are working drafts to allow for change and regrouping.
Step 4. Look for clues. When a person loses something it is usually helpful to retrace your steps. When I work with survivors we always go back and look for lessons from mistakes and tragedies. What warning signals were missed about the abusive partner’s behavior? This keeps survivors motivated to keep moving forward and resist the temptation to return to the relationship.
Step 5. Debrief. At the end of each operation, search and rescue teams have detailed discussions and conversations about their rescue effort. It allows them to reflect back on what has been learned. I encourage survivors to do the same. I encourage survivors to take the skills and lessons that they have learned and share them with others. Everything that they have learned can be used in future operations.